A FAMILY MEMBER'S PERSPECTIVE — WENDY F. BAYNARD, a report on a presentation 1 by Wendy F. Baynard, M.S.W., Smooth Sailing, Spring 1995

Although Wendy Baynard's talk (at the symposium) focused on her husband's bipolar disorder and its effect on their family, it also poignantly illustrated the apparent genetic basis of the disorder (highlighted by other speakers): she noted that two of their children have mood disorders (one depression, the other manic depression). Their 12-year old daughter started treatment at age eight and has taken lithium.

Ms. Baynard outlined her 50-year-old husband's 20-year history of mood changes, which for many years was "explained" as a drinking problem. Sixteen years ago, after the birth of their first child, he went to Alcoholics Anonymous and stayed sober for 13 years—but was never "really happy." Her husband's career—he was at times a Reagan administration appointee, a law partner in a prestigious firm, and an attorney in a solo practice that did not take off—seemed to be a reflection of the highs and lows of his personal life.

Early in her talk, Ms. Baynard described life with her husband as "never dull"; later she noted that "the hardest part of living with him was the unpredictability of his moods." Medication for depression enabled him to get out of bed to go to work, but it did not help him avoid having inappropriate reactions which ravaged his personal and professional life. Those reactions ranged from frustration at trying to understand the new phone system his company installed, to believing he could do anything (including choreograph his daughter's sixth-grade dance program), to having irrational outbursts of temper.

To be able to sustain financial stability, Ms. Baynard got a master's degree in social work, and for her own well-being, she promoted friendships for support. She described her anger and frustration at seeing her husband's potential "thrown away." For the children's sake, she maintained an atmosphere of calmness and never maligned her husband before their children. She also discovered DRADA in 1993, took the training program for support-group leaders and started a support group for family members.

Apparently, only after a drinking relapse, detoxifica-tion, and inpatient psychiatric treatment was her husband properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He had to learn to accept that diagnosis and the words that go with it, such as mentally ill and manic depression.

The attitude of acceptance appears to have been trans-mitted from father to son. Ms. Baynard concluded by recalling a conversation she had with her younger son, who had read a poem about Vincent van Gogh and was surprised to learn that van Gogh had committed suicide. Mother explained to son that had van Gogh lived today, he probably would not have died, given modern treatment and medica-tion. Her son's response: "I didn't know I was that lucky."

1 Presented at a DRADA/Johns Hopkins symposium, Baltimore, Maryland, April, 1995

by Marion Ehlrich
Smooth Sailing: Spring 1995

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